How to Negotiate Screen Time While Keeping Kids Safe
Screens. They’ve been a life saver during distance learning and periods of social isolation. But, they also come with their own concerns. The top question on many parents’ minds is: how do we keep our children safe, healthy, and happy given all the additional screen time?
First: The Science
Are screens bad for kids? For babies and toddlers (between 0-3 years old), the answer appears to be yes (though some have argued otherwise). For everyone else, the answer seems to vary depending on who is talking because experts haven’t had enough time to complete the necessary longitudinal research for providing accurate information. The good news is, they’re working on it.
Until then, most experts recommend the same thing to kids as they recommend to everyone else: practice moderation, which means parents need to implement (and enforce) screen time limits.
Browsing Habits & Keeping Kids Safe Online
Beyond the science, it’s also important to keep kids safe while browsing online, and doing so without instilling fear in them. Depending on your child’s age, there are different ways to implement safe browsing practices while fostering trust.
For younger kids:
Teach kids about social media and the Internet in ways that include the whole family, eliminating the need for them to be online by themselves while still giving them some of the digital stimulus they desire. FaceTime with family, schedule virtual playdates with their friends’ parents, and let them help organize Facebook events with you.
Set ground rules while your children are young, and get them involved with the creation of these rules to establish buy in. Collective rule-setting shows them that you care about their well-being rather than just about establishing control over their lives.
For older kids:
Reinforce the idea that you are there for them if they feel like they are in danger. Check in with them routinely, especially if they are acting differently than usual.
Keep them active in their own safety.
Schedule “password change days” where everyone in their house sits down, puts on music/a podcast/a movie, and updates their social media and email passwords. This helps your teens remember to keep their accounts safe, and internet usage becomes fun trustworthy family time.
Show them how to take safety precautions on each of their social media accounts.
Connect them with other adults you trust with whom they might be able to connect if they don’t feel comfortable connecting with you in a specific instance.
Review ground rules once a year as your child gets older and tech inevitably changes.
Get Involved In Your Child’s Life Online and Offline
Many issues between parents and children are based on connection (or lack thereof). As such, one of the best ways you can foster trust is by simply being more involved in your child’s life. In addition to showing up for them at their extracurricular activities and school board meetings, show up in their digital lives, as well.
Younger children are aware of social media even if they aren’t online. There are ways to include them without letting them have full digital independence. Let them press the FaceTime call button, allow them to set up the meeting time, and get them used to interacting on social media. That way, when they get old enough to sign up for their social media accounts, it won’t seem like forbidden fruit.
Eventually, your child will get to the social media age. When they do get social media accounts, discuss the importance of having you as a “friend” on those accounts. This one of the easiest ways to monitor your child’s activity while still giving them distance and respect. Request to be their friend, while giving them the autonomy to decide. If they don’t accept, respect their privacy and find other ways to stay involved in your child’s lives.
If You Use Parental Controls, Opt For Ones That Respect Your Child’s Privacy
The jury is still out on parental controls. Some parents swear by them and others think that it creates an air of distrust. Studies suggest that too rigorous monitoring might cause your child to seek out unsafe online situations. Regardless of your stance on parental controls, it is part of your job to help them navigate the sometimes scary and potentially dangerous online world.
For young children, this might mean setting up parental controls that respect your child’s privacy but still alert you to potential dangers. There are apps available which allow your child to browse the internet but alert you if they visit a potentially dangerous site. If you don’t want to do this but do want to monitor your young child’s internet behavior, set the computer up in a public place.
If you don’t want to use an app to monitor your child, you can also download all the apps your child uses in order to achieve literacy within those apps, which will allow you to talk to your child about the situations you encounter on them. This can spark discussions about necessary precautions you and your child can take and about the experiences they’ve had. It will also help you understand the dangers they face.
Help Your Child Set Up Necessary Accounts and Technology
In addition to social media, your child might have to set up email addresses, blog sites, or Facebook groups as part of their education. It’s also highly likely that they will have their own devices for which they are responsible. Part of protecting your child’s tech usage will include helping them grow into their responsibility as a tech owner, which will better inform their sense of digital safety. You can help them in many ways, including:
Helping them download the proper antivirus software for their computers
Walking them through setting up Do Not Disturb on their phones during bedtime, school time, and other times when they need to focus their attention elsewhere
Setting up speed dial, favorite numbers, and emergency contact info on their phones
Walking them through blocking someone on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or other social media accounts
Showing them how to use post privacy settings on their social media accounts
Keep An Eye On Their Offline Behavior
Your child is the only one who knows what is going on with their feelings. As their parent, you might not be able to feel what they’re feeling, but you can certainly keep an eye out for changes in their mood.
If you notice a change in your kid, start a conversation about it. Online bullying, threats, and other potentially dangerous situations might be behind their change in mood. Even if it’s not the internet causing behavioral changes, a discussion about those changes is one of the best ways you can be proactive about the safety and overall well-being of your child.
The bottom line is, the internet is part of our modern world. Fostering digital literacy from a young age and encouraging open communication are the biggest keys to safety in this highly digital age.